I Found This Lurking in Draft Mode

Much of what I wrote on 2 January 09 still applies, including the turmoil if we change some of the locations. Last year it was China, this year Haiti. The remainder is applicable, too, in spite of the media's non-stop attempt to tell us otherwise. In the end how we respond -- as individuals, as a nation and as a world -- is what counts.

090102

We could approach 2009 with a somber tone if we chose. There are so many lives all over this third rock from the sun in turmoil, and for them the stroke of midnight on December 31 didn't bring magical transformation. In the so-called "news" I hear plenty of 2008-bashing with good reason I suppose. At first considering the quagmire in Iraq, the earthquakes in China, foreclosures everywhere, job loss and the failing world economy the past year looks pretty bad.

Sitting here in the comfort of my home it's easy to say WE make the years good or bad. It's easy to say it's all about attitude or outlook on life. But, it is. When we eliminate from the equation the part of life over which we have no control -- the things with which we simply have to cope -- the year wasn't so bad.

But the economy? The war? Poverty? Ours. It's up to us to be the harbingers of change. And, as for 2008 We had the courage to change the things we could. At least the election resulted in something hopeful.

And, for me, 2008 wasn't so bad after all is said and done. It wasn't without its hardships. That's life. Saying this doesn't mean I'm not ready for the symbolic "mulligan." I pray for serenity, acceptance for the things I can't change, courage to change the things I can, and finally the wisdom to know the difference.

Today is going to be a great day.

How to Write Your Mission Statement

While consulting with a client today I suggested that they might want to include a mission statement as part of their home page especially since they're a newly established firm. I found three articles that approach creating one and they're all worth reading:

From Entrepreneur, lengthy but informational
http://www.entrepreneur.com/management/leadership/businessstrategies/article65230.html

From wikiHow, a more succinct, step-by-step approach
http://www.wikihow.com/Write-a-Mission-Statement

and finally, from FastCompany, a more candid commentary but one definitely worth reading:
http://www.fastcompany.com/magazine/140/do-something-wordplay.html

A Christmas Eve Post in the Middle of January

I nearly forgot that this draft was sitting on my desktop. I have a lot of catching up to do when it comes to chronicling the holidays and I might still get to it. But, hell, our tree and the few other decorations we set out this year came down just yesterday and found their way back up to the attic. While today is a day for reflecting on the legacy of Martin Luther King, Jr., one during which I'd like to pay a visit to the National Civil Rights Museum, my goal for today is to get the C-7 lights off of the eaves and back upstairs where they belong. One final leaf blowing extravaganza before Spring, which can't come soon enough to suit me, will follow.

Whatever you do today, embrace it and do your best.

'Tis the Night before Christmas...

...and all through the house it's pretty quiet. The television is broadcasting the weather forecast. Billie, snoring, is sharing her bed with Georgia, and I am contemplating not only what to write here, but tomorrow's plans as well. I suppose I could recount the day I spent shopping with Becky, but then I'd be giving away some Christmas surprises if I went into too much detail. I guess I can be mindful of that and recount the day.

We started out meeting her daughter, Carly, for breakfast at Lynn's Paradise Cafe followed by visiting Regalo, a shop two doors down that sells unusual gift items, extraordinary jewelry and handbags, some well-designed household items and some irreverent novelties. One of the latter I picked up for Thom was a yellow-plaid dish towel with the recipe for "Sh*t on a Shingle". The way this is spelled is not me being polite, it's the way it was spelled on the towel. I bursted with laughter when I saw it and immediately thought of Thom because he seems to replace his kitchen towels with an almost obsessive regularity. While there, I considered purchasing a charging station that looked like grass in a black planter. It was extremely clever, especially when compared to the myriad wooden box options sold at the likes of Target and Pottery Barn, but in the end I couldn't justify the expense. If I decide later that I want it, I'll look for it and buy it online.



From Regalo, we drove to Market Street to visit Red Tree, then Scout. Red Tree was an eclectic mix of furniture, fixtures, gifts and art, both original one-of-a-kind pieces and others of the mass-produced variety. There were some really nice things there, and a couple that I thought I could use, but in the end I exercised better judgement, saved my money and avoided having to ship things home or risk looking like the Clampetts driving back to Memphis.

Carly had to leave for a matinee performance of "A Wonderful Life," the musical adaptation of Frank Capra's film "It's a Wonderful Life." She's playing, Sam Wainwright's wife. "Yee-hawww." So when she left, Becky and I walked a few blocks to Scout. There, all bets were off. I found Christmas gifts among the unusual things (at least for me) stocked in the store. They sold fantastic smelling candles, one of which greeted us upon opening the door. It smelled of fresh pine but with a hint of a warm fire. I immediately noticed that the music playing was that which I'd heard all during the previous week on Christmas Lounge on SOMA FM. With that, I knew I was going to love this place. Scout offered handmade jewelry, including work from a friend of my brother's, Sarah Balmer, Jonathan Adler pottery, hats, gifts and unusual objets d'art. The store was a visual and sensual overload. They had great stuff in every corner and there were a couple of things that I simply couldn't resist. I truly hope Cameron believes my "find" for him as much a treasure as I do.

After Scout, we drove to St. Matthews by way of the wrong exit from I-64 onto the Watterson Expressway, another exit to Breckinridge Lane, through Dupont Circle -- the back way into Mall St. Matthews. Through the parking lot, out again and another wild turn onto Shelbyville Road landed us half-in and half-out of the left turn lane into the plaza where World Market is located after I realized the line to get into the parking lot ended just one car length from the intersection. I squeezed in as far as I could. I held back my nervous laughter upon seeing the expression on a passing man's face who hadn't been paying attention. His unpleasant surprise at seeing my right taillamp not quite in my lane seemed to pass as quickly as his Bentley.

We had to visit World Market because all three stores in Memphis closed last year. And, I need Key Lime Seasoning for our proscuitto-wrapped grilled scallops. I included the recipe, aptly named Key Lime Grilled Scallops, in this year's update of "Betwixt the Both of Us," the TasteBook cookbook I published last year as gifts to family and friends. They only had three jars of the spice left but I figure that's enough to hold us over until I can visit another World Market sometime in the future. A couple of Nesbitt's orange sodas (without high-fructose corn syrup), a stocking stuffer and two bars of soap finished my excursion "around the world."

After her show, Carly met us at "eyedea" in Butchertown. It's a consignment/antique store loaded with some fantastic furniture, lamps and art. There I found a miniature New Albany Train Station for Thom, who collects miniature architectural gems. The train station was a beautiful, triangular shaped structure that stood for decades on Vincennes Street begging to be restored and put to another use. But fire would destroy it before it's renaissance could happen and I knew that Thom was heartbroken as he listened to the news of it's demise on the radio one morning on his way to work. I also picked up two vintage bottlebrush trees with foil stars. The whole lot was just over $10!


The New Albany Train Station

From eyedea we went to Butchertown Market to visit Canoe and Work the Metal. Canoe featured Turkish clothing, rugs, huge urns and lighting among some gift items. What they sold there was beautiful, but nothing for which I'm in the market. Work the Metal sold gifts, furniture, lighting with more of an irreverent, modern approach. It occurred to me that the shops to which Becky and Carly took me were ones I don't remember seeing the likes of when I moved to Memphis from Louisville in 1986. It was great seeing such forward thinking and progress in what I once considered my sleepy hometown with tons of unrealized potential.

We finished the day at an at least new-to-me location of Bristol Bar and Grille, located at the Sheraton in Jeffersonville. As the sun set the lights of Louisville's skyline began to twinkle. Becky's husband, David, met us there and it was great sharing dinner and the evening with my former classmates and their beautiful daughter.

Must-See Cars at the 2010 Detroit Auto Show

Must-See Cars at the 2010 Detroit Auto Show

For many years I've wanted to go to the Detroit Auto Show. And every year when the reviews start rolling in, I think, "crap!" I've missed it again. The editors at MyRide have done a nice recap of what they consider highlights of the show. My favorite quote is about the new Lincoln MKX: "The MKX gets the awkward Lincoln face." I saw what I consider a few awkward faces in this year's offerings, but I'm happy to see that automakers are getting away from the "me-too" smiley faces of the 1990s.

An Open Letter to the Makers of LitterMaid

Dear LitterMaid,

I thought I'd write today to tell you how enthusiastic I was the day I brought home the special edition LitterMaid I purchased at PetCo about a year ago. I bought an extra package of waste receptacles and the litter to go along with them. I simply knew that upon the recommendation of a friend, and the marketing propaganda I'd read in the past, that this automated cat litter box was a magical device. It was going to change our lives, both mine and Edith's (the cat).



As soon as I arrived at home I began making the transition from the Booda Clean Step (which up until then had been the best covered litter box I'd owned in more than twenty years in spite of the fact that it was a big, cumbersome bitch to clean) to the new LitterMaid. Following the sometimes tedious instructions, it was relatively easy to assemble. I set the digital clock but not a "sleep" time because I knew my cat would use the thing while the rest of the house was asleep.

The next morning, I immediately began to find cat litter strewn all about the house. Vacuuming constantly I vowed to change the litter to something that wouldn't track as badly. When it came time to purchase more litter, I cleaned out the box and started all over again with Fresh Step clumping litter. It didn't track as badly, but clumps adhered to the box like superglue, rendering the rake and the box itself useless. The motor would cycle continually in an attempt to rid itself of clumps to no avail before finally shutting down.

That noise you hear isn't the box running constantly. It's me groaning with aggravation in another room because that means I have to drop whatever I'm doing and remove the offending obstruction. The promise of having to deal with the cat box 1 or 2 times a week had been dashed at this point. Hell, I was cleaning the catbox more times per day than I ever had. It seemingly had become my reason to wake up every morning. Otherwise, the stupid thing would run constantly and clean nothing.

So again, I was faced with looking for another litter choice. I've tried corn. I've switched between two different clays. I've tried wheat. I've even tried using Fresh Step crystals. I thought I'd had a "Eureka!" moment until the first fill of these magic chunks reached their saturation point a day or so later. And, when they're done absorbing, they're done. Period. The LitterMaid became a disgusting smelly mess within hours that needed to be emptied completely and cleaned with Nature's Miracle and dried before it could be refilled, starting the ordeal all over again.

We've been using Arm & Hammer Essentials for about two weeks now. It's wrought with it's own set of problems, but it's livable until I decide I've just had enough and throw the whole damned mess in the trash. I have decided that the money I spent on the LitterMaid was the biggest waste ever. I will make sure I let anyone who is considering a LitterMaid purchase about the problems I've had and encourage them to get a Booda Clean Step.

Yours very truly,

dminmem

Finally, A Post

I received a SiteMeter report in email yesterday that showed that my few reader numbers were just about flat. Lately, I've been thinking often about what I might write and have just been coming up blank. I had three unfinished posts started.

One draft began: "The Queen" is finally in the DVD player after it sat on the shelf for more than a month. I'm not getting my money's worth out of Netflix if I don't watch it and send it back, or just send it back without watching it. Sitting on the shelf just as long is some lesbian flick, "All Over Me." I must've been interested in seeing it at some point or I wouldn't have put it on my queue. Supposedly, tonight, I watch them. Regardless, they're hitting the mailbox tomorrow.

I ended up watching "The Queen." It was ok. Helen Mirren was great. I didn't watch "All Over Me." They were both mailed back the next day.

Another draft began: "My last post was October 1, if you can call it a post. It was more like parroting. Or regurgitating." Or in another case, assumption that "the writing was on the wall." I am freelancing again after leaving my 10 year position at CS2 advertising. October 15 was my last day there. I have my Federal tax identification number and have posted a website: davidmaddoxcreative.com. I have been working on logos for various companies and am working on plans for some other things. It's been very exciting, sometimes overwhelming, but always empowering.

Yet another draft was titled, "Accidental Conspicuous Omission." It began, "More than a year has passed since I committed to quit drinking." During that year I spent much of my time reading, researching, seeing a therapist and learning about the challenges of growing as an adult child of an alcoholic. I have been amazed, surprised and ultimately changed by the experience and will continue to work toward being a better person. The biggest revelation, though is dealing with this thing called self-loathing. I have always been told that I'm too hard on myself, but I just didn't understand the implications of such thinking. I'm learning to give myself a break.

As I ponder how my life has changed I consider the people I have chosen to leave behind. I no longer have time for the dishonest, deceitful, or self-absorbed. Some friendships have been exposed as the toxic situations they have been and I can't be pulled down by them anymore. For this I'm grateful, but very often I think of these people and wish the situation were different. Because in spite of the bad I really have cared for them. My motivation may have been warped, seeking approval from people I admired for one reason or another, but I can't afford to give up my well-being in order to be liked by someone who's not worthy of my care, affection or love.

There are others in my life who deserve more of my attention. Because Cameron was going to be flying over the holidays, I planned to spend Thanksgiving with my sister who is house-bound, recovering from back surgery. I left here around 9 AM, Tuesday morning, with my favorite cooking utensils packed, TripTik in hand, and Billie and Georgia comfortably positioned on their cedar-filled bed atop the folded down back seat.

As I drove south on MS-49 toward Hattiesburg, listening to the Martha Stewart Thanksgiving call-in shows, I witnessed a horrible accident. As I approached the car that had been impaled by pine timbers on a flat-bed truck, I dialed 911. I found a young man unconscious at the wheel. Others stopped and helped. A man with leather work gloves was able to break out what was left of the windshield, switch off the car and get the door open. We put the boy on the grass, elevated his feet and head, covered him with a blanket from my first aid kit. A woman kept direct pressure on the gash on his right cheekbone while an off-duty Air Force medic asked him questions to determine how badly in shock he was. The young man was lucky to be alive. Another responder got the boy's family phone number and called his mother. We reassured him that he was going to be fine. His mother sent instructions to take him to Forrest General and asked that he be told "your mother says she loves you." As the paramedics put him in the ambulance, I realized I had witnessed a miracle.

It wasn't a miracle in the way Beauregard Jackson Pickett Birdside burst into Mame Dennis' apartment, phone book in hand, exclaiming "it's a Christmas miracle" upon finding the right Dennis. It was a real miracle, one that I believe I was meant to witness. It made the the thought of how our lives can change in the blink of an eye very real to me.

So, it's with faith I sit at this desk contemplating my next move. I pray that my mind stays open to possibilities and that I remember that what's meant to happen will. The Christmas holidays are upon us and that, in and of itself, is reason to celebrate. With that, it's back to work because I have a lot to accomplish today.

In This Case, "S & G" Do Not Stand for What May First Come to Mind

Assess Yourself

Here's another checklist to help you assess your current employment situation. Check the statements that apply to you (and ignore for now the letter after each statement):

1. I look forward to going to work most every day. (S)
2. My employer treats me fairly and with respect. (S)
3. I live for the weekend, or any days away from work. (G)
4. I feel valued and appreciated for my professional contributions. (S)
5. My workplace feels "toxic." (G)

6. I can be myself at work and not have to worry about being judged. (S)
7. I am included in my company's "information loop." (S)
8. My employer discusses with me and provides opportunities for advancement and professional development. (S)
9. I am commended for the extra effort I perform. (S)
10. I am stimulated intellectually and creatively by my work. (S)

11. I feel that I am making a positive contribution to society. (S)
12. I am compensated well for my work. (S)
13. I find myself daydreaming frequently about a new career. (G)
14. I feel that my work is a natural extension of who I am as a human being. (S)
15. I see myself as successful. (S)

16. I feel trapped and stuck in my current position. (G)
17. I feel in control of my career destiny. (S)
18. I am working at the level of my full potential. (S)
19. My current career negatively impacts those close to me. (G)
20. I have a desire to try something new and different. (G)

Now, count the number of "S" and "G" responses you have. "S" means "Stay" and "G" means "Go." This checklist is a reliable indicator of whether or not your present job is a good fit for you. Clearly, the more "G" ("Go") responses you checked, the more critical it is for you to start thinking about new opportunities.

Debra Davenport, PhD, is a Master Professional Mentor career counselor, and the president of DavenportFolio, a licensed firm that mentors entrepreneurs and professionals. She is the creator of the Certified Professional Mentor designation and certification program. Reach her at debra@davenportfolio.com or (480) 348-7875.

Reuters: Gay Couples are as fit to adopt as Straight

Gay couples as fit to adopt as heterosexuals: study

Reuters, Fri Sep 25, 2009 10:40am EDT

NEW YORK (Reuters Life!) - Gay or straight, the sexual orientation of adoptive parents does not have an impact on the emotional development of their children, according to a new study. But researchers said that if parents were satisfied with the adoption process, had a stable income and functioned well as a family the risk of emotional problems in children were reduced.

"We found that sexual orientation of the adoptive parents was not a significant predictor of emotional problems," Paige Averett, an assistant professor of social work at East Carolina University, said in a statement.

"We did find, however, that age and pre-adoptive sexual abuse were," she added.
Averett, Blace Nalavany, also of East Carolina University, and Scott Ryan, dean of the University of Texas School of Social Work, questioned nearly 1,400 couples in the United States, including 155 gay and lesbian parents.

They used information from Florida's public child welfare system and data from gay and lesbian couples throughout the U.S. for the study.

Each couple was questioned about themselves and their children, the family composition and dynamics, and the history of the child before the adoption.

The researchers said the findings, which are reported in the journal Adoption Quarterly, are important because it compared gay and lesbian and heterosexual couples.

"There are implications for social work educators, adoption professionals, and policy makers in this and other recent studies," said Averett.

"We must pay attention to the data indicating that gay and lesbian parents are as fit as heterosexual parents to adopt," Averett added, "because at least 130,000 children are depending on us to act as informed advocates on their behalf."

The American Civil Liberties Union has said that laws and adoption agency policies have created obstacles for gay and lesbian couple who want to adopt children.

(Reporting by Patricia Reaney, editing by Paul Casciato)