25 September 2008

Beginning to See the Light, One Day at a Time

This is an edited excerpt from an e-mail I sent to a dear friend today. This is all I can do right now to keep this excuse for a blog relevant for the time being, if it ever was...
"I started counseling yesterday and am working on having a standing appointment every day for the next month. The only day I can't see her is Fridays, when she's off. I plan to fill in with AA and church -- it helps ground me.

"Other than that I am extremely busy trying to get some long overdue things done around the house. John came over last night and helped me unload the attic -- the living room, dining room and hallway are filled with my job for tonight: sort for a yard sale (either on October 11 or 18), eBay sales, Goodwill or the trash. I still have to go through the rest of the house, but starting with the attic gives me space for the central air guys to work. Right now, the plan is for them to have the job completed the week before he comes home, but I'm trying to move it up a week (which they can accommodate).

"Aside from that, I am working on having storm windows installed and the hardwoods at least contracted for refinishing, I'm getting rid of the guest bedroom furniture (to John and David for a $100 donation to either Friends for Life or the Humane Society), buying workout equipment for that room, and if I were sure he'd be ok with it (and I think he is) I'd work on finding Edith a new home.

"I'm not overwhelmed, but I only have 26 days left and my schedule is hectic as hell (I got to work this morning at 9:45 :( ). I have counseling again today at 2. And in-between I still have to do laundry, mow the yard, clean the pool, shop, workout, and whatever else I can to whittle down off of my list. It's working. I'm getting a lot done.

"Plus, today is the fifth that I'm taking one at a time. No alcohol since Saturday. All the liquor is gone out of the house, the bar is dismantled and being transformed into a secretary/office/workspace for Cameron with a charging station and plenty of storage for whatever it is he needs. Now if I can figure out the best place for it I'll rocking and rolling.

"Thank you for your love and support. Thank you for sending him a note. I know he'll love hearing from you."
The last few days have been very difficult, promising, hopeful, uplifting, and optimistic. That's a good thing coming away from the previous 4 days of absolute hell. Remember that if you need healing not to cover it up with mood altering substances -- either through prescription or self-medication. If there is any hope for recovery it must be through introspection, analysis, and hard work. Using drugs or alcohol to mask or bury a problem only prolongs the inevitable. At some point, we must face our demons and the sooner we do it the more time we have left for a beautiful, loving, productive life.

Be the love you hope to receive.

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